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众所周知,教育系统并不能教导我们孩子基本的阅读、写作、算术与科学的技能,而这些恰恰是他们在即将来临的高科技时代获得竞争优势的必备技能(至少,这是一种普遍看法,在此我们不展开讨论)。

然而,生活中所需的知识远远超出学校的基本科目,除非你有幸碰见一位打破常规的老师,否则,你的小孩将无法学到生活中所至关重要的事情。

回顾你的切身经验,当你高中毕业时,你了解生活中的所需知识么?更不用说如何取得成功了。幸运的话,你也许知道如何阅读,并且有一些基本的历史和数学技能,甚至你还可能拥有良好的学习习惯,这将使你在大学中受益。

但是,你真的准备好进入现实生活了么?也许未必,除非你的父母已经为你准备好一切。事实上,我们大部分人的早期成年生活都是一团糟,因为我们不了解所需的技能,而我们正在承受相应的后果。

你也许会说,这是生活的一部分——从经验教训中学习。但仍可能在你的孩子独立生活之前,让他准备得充分一些。如果我们无法让学校教授那些技能,就让我们自己来负责吧。

以下是一张基本课程表,孩子在迈入成年生活之前都应该掌握它。也许你认为还有其他技能需要加入其中,但至少这是一个起步要求。

如何教导这些事情:这些课程无法通过讲课和课本来掌握,只能通过实例、言传身教来教导,并且要允许小孩独自去尝试(刚刚开始可以在监督下进行)。一旦你进行言传身教,并且监督他们尝试几次后,就应该给予你的孩子信任,让他自己去完成,从自身的错误中学习;另外要不时和你的孩子讨论他的学习成果。

财务

    * 储蓄:量入为出是一句简朴的格言,然而只有极少数的青年人理解并知道如何遵循它。从小就让孩子将他的一部分零花钱存入银行,教导他如何设定储蓄目标,如何达成该目标,然后便可购买他想要的物品。
    * 预算:许多成年人害怕做预算,并为此饱受折磨,这是因为我们缺乏做预算所需的知识和技能。教导孩子简单的预算技能,以及相关的知识,让他们成年后不在面临预算的烦恼。你可以等到孩子十几岁再教他们这些知识,这是一个很好的机会来展示为什么他们需要了解数学基础知识。
    * 支付:让孩子们支付账单,并确保他们按时支付,不论是在线支付还是实地完成。让他们学习如何写支票,包括纸张支票和在线支票;确保不会延误账单——可以通过马上支付或者自动支付来完成。
    * 投资:什么是投资,为什么必须进行投资?你是如何进行投资的,有哪些不同的投资手段?你是如何研究投资项目?复利如何发挥时间威力。这些都是和你孩子交谈的极佳话题。
    * 节省:这是从小就应该教会他们的事情。如何去货比三家,比较不同的价格和质量,对物品重复利用、减少浪费,在家煮食而不过多在外就餐,控制购物冲动。当我们外出疯狂购物,即便是圣诞节前,也会为孩子树立了一个坏榜样。
    * 债务:许多成年人都面临债务问题。要教导孩子借贷的责任,如何避免不必要的债务,如何避免过多举债,如何可靠地使用信用卡。
    * 退休:努力工作到退休年龄,还是“迷你退休”(即工作一段时间,享受一段时间),哪种更好?这是见仁见智的问题,但是你的孩子应该知晓有这些选择,它们的利弊所在,以及如何具体实施。告诉你的孩子年轻时候就开始投资的重要性,复利所带来的巨大差别,以及如何让投资自动化。
    * 慈善:告诉孩子从事慈善的重要性,以及如何养成做慈善的习惯。这不仅仅是一个财务问题,也是一种社会活动。你应示范如何将时间与精力投入到慈善活动中。

思考

    * 批判性思维:这是学校没有教导的最重要的技能之一。目前,我们被驯化成机器人,听从老师而不做提问,听从教导而不动脑筋,成为不敢有异议的老实员工。如果你是一位雇主,也许你会喜欢这样的员工;如果你是一名政客,你也许希望你的市民就是如此。但是你希望自己的孩子成为这样的人么——不问是非,幼稚无知的市民/雇员 /学生?如果不是的话,马上开始培养他们提出“为什么”的习惯,学习如何找寻答案,如何去质疑权威——没有放之四海而皆准的永恒答案。对话是学习这种技能的良好途径。
    * 阅读:当然,学校有教导我们进行阅读,但学校的教育方式往往让人厌倦阅读。带着你的孩子游览书中那天马行空的想象世界,指导他们通过互联网找到相应的信息,以及如何评价阅读材料的可信度、逻辑性和真实性。

成功

    * 积极:上面提到批判性思维是一项重要的技能,而对生活有着积极的态度也是相当重要的。当然,事情可能会变得很糟,但是塞翁失马焉知非福,所以应该停止抱怨,寻求解决方案,最重要的是,要坚信自我,摆脱负面思维。
    * 动力:要知道达到目标的关键不是纪律,而是动力。如何采用不同的方式激励自己,并体验完成目标的喜悦心情。一开始,先设定一些较小的,容易达到的目标,从而逐渐锻炼这种技巧。
    * 拖拉:这是成年人的常见毛病(甚至小孩也如此)。我同意在某些时候,人们应当悠游度日,享受慵懒的时光。但是,当我们必须做某些事情的时候,怎么保证我们能够按时完成呢?教导孩子要吸取拖拉的教训,找出他们拖拉的习惯,并且研究如何克服它。
    * 激情:成功的一个重要途径,就是找到使你激情洋溢的事物,并全情投入。你的孩子还无法在年幼时找到这个答案,但是你应该指导他们发现自己的激情所在并且对其不懈追求,让他们了解这样做的重要性。

社交

    * 合作:从小,我们就被灌输竞争主义,这也是成人世界的写照。结果呢,卑鄙陷害、互相拆台、忿恨抱怨充满了我们的生活。相反,请教导你的孩子,人们是可以达到共赢的,帮助他人成功,将使你自己更加成功。告诉孩子结交朋友胜于制造敌人,在竞争之前先学会团队合作。
    * 同情:这是被学校完全忽略的主题。事实上,孩子在学校学到的往往不是同情并帮助他人,而是增加别人的难处。应该教导孩子设身处地地了解别人,并去帮助别人摆脱痛楚。
    * 爱心:爱心和同情是双胞胎,同情着重于减轻别人的痛楚,而爱心则是希望他人幸福。这两者都是至关重要的。
    * 倾听:我们的孩子在学校学习到如何倾听了么?或者如何与人交谈么?也许这就是为什么许多成年人都不具备倾听这个重要能力的原因。要孩子学会如何真正地倾听他人,从而能够理解和感觉他人。
    * 交谈:交谈与倾听是紧密关联的,而学校并没有教导孩子交谈的艺术。事实上,学校告诉孩子在大部分情况下交谈是不对的,然而我们往往需要的是互相交谈,而不是教导。这是非常重要的社交技巧,从小就应该在家里实践。请学会与你的孩子交谈,而不是只要他听话。

实务

    * 汽车:告诉孩子为什么我们需要汽车(并不是为了耍酷),如何买到合适的汽车,如何保养汽车。了解发动机的工作原理,哪些地方会发生损坏,又该如何修理。这是男孩女孩都应该学习的技能(这是显而易见的,但我还是要强调)。
    * 家务:如何保养和维修房屋的各种物件,包括管道、电器、冷暖设备、油漆、盖屋顶、剪草等等。掌握进行基础维护的工作和方法,并且知道什么时候该叫专家来帮忙。
    * 清洁:太多的成年人没有学会如何送洗衣物,如何清洁房间,如何使房子井井有条,如何进行每周、每月的大扫除。不要只是让孩子做这做那,而要他们真的学会这些事情。
    * 组织:让孩子学会如何摆放文件,如何让事物各就各位,如何建立待办事宜,如何建立工作流程,以及如何集中精力在重要工作上。

快乐

    * 着眼现在:基于某些原因,我们小时候从未学到这个重要的技能。事实上,我们越年轻,就越能享受现在。当我们慢慢长大,开始担心将来,回顾过去,而“现在”则离我们而去。“活在现在”的技巧对我们是大有帮助的。
    * 享受生活:孩子们都在享受生活,但只有一部分意识到这个技能的重要性,并且应该如何进行。即使对于成年人,享受生活的技能依然大有益处,为你的孩子做好榜样,他们自然会模仿你的。
    * 寻找目标:拥有一个目标对于生活而是是极为重要的,无论是崇高的宗教目标,或者是为了让家庭幸福,又或者是你的职业目标。让孩子认识到目标的重要性,并且如何为自己找到目标。
    * 发展亲密关系:教导这个技能的最佳方式,就是和你的孩子建立亲密关系,并且以你和配偶(或其他适当的人)为范例。教会他们发展这种关系的技能,讨论它的重要性,并且学习如何克服冲突。生活中总会出现不和,但是通过交流、理解和妥协,我们就能言归于好。

      翻译:flyisland


引用
【原文】

7 Skills Your Child Needs to Know That She’s Not Getting In School

Every Tuesday is Finance & Family Day at Zen Habits.

Everyone knows that our school system, in general, is not giving our kids the basic reading, writing, ‘rithmatic and science skills needed to be competitive in the high-tech workforce of the upcoming generation (at least, that’s the general assumption, and we won’t argue it here).

But there’s much more to life than those basic subjects, and unless you have an exceptional teacher who is willing to break out of the mold, your child isn’t learning the crucial things he or she needs to learn in life.

Think about your own experience for a moment. When you got out of high school, did you know everything you needed in order to survive in life, let alone succeed? If you were lucky, you knew how to read and had some basic history and math skills, and if you were even luckier, you had good study habits that would serve you well in college.

But were you prepared for life? Most likely not, unless you had parents who did you that favor. In fact, many of us screwed up our early adult lives because we didn’t know those skills — and we’re paying the consequences now.

That’s a part of life, you might say, learning these lessons. But it’s also possible to prepare your child a bit before they go out on their own, and if we can’t get the schools to teach these skills, then let’s do it ourselves.

What follows is a basic curriculum in life that a child should know before reaching adulthood. There will probably be other skills you can add to this list, but at least it’s a starting point.

A note on how to teach these things: These subjects should not be taught by lectures or textbooks. They can only be taught by setting examples, by conversation, by showing, and by allowing the child (or teenager) to do these things on their own (with supervision at first). Once you’ve talked about the skill, showed your child how to do it, and let them do it under supervision a few times, give your child the trust to do it on his own, and to learn from his own mistakes. Check back every now and then to talk about what he’s learned.

Financial

    * Saving. Spend less than you earn. It’s such a simple maxim, and yet very few young adults understand it or know how to follow it. Teach your child from a young age to put part of money he receives or earns in the bank. Teach him how to set a savings goal, and save for it, and then purchase whatever it is he was saving for.
    * Budgeting. Many of us dread this task as adults, and suffer because of it, because we lack the understanding and skills necessary to make budgeting a breeze. Teach them simple budgeting skills, and what’s involved, and they won’t have problems as an adult. You could wait until teenage years to do something like this — but it’s a good thing because this shows them why basic math is necessary.
    * Paying bills. Give them bills to pay and have them pay it on time, online or in the real world. Learn how to write a check, paper and online, and how to make sure that you’re never late with bills again — either pay them immediately or automatically.
    * Investing. What is investing and why is it necessary? How do you do it and what are different ways of doing it? How do you research an investment? How does it compound over time? This is a good conversation to have with your teen.
    * Frugality. This is something to teach them from an early age. How to shop around to get a good deal, to compare between products of different prices and quality, to make things last and not waste, to cook at home instead of eating out too much, to control impulse buying. When we go out and do a shopping spree, including before Christmas, we are teaching them just the opposite.
    * Credit. This is a major problem for many adults. Teach them the responsible use for credit, and how to avoid it when it’s not necessary, and how to avoid getting into too much debt, and how to use a credit card responsibly.
    * Retirement. Is it better to work hard and retire or to take mini-retirements throughout life? That’s a personal question, but your child should be aware of the options and the pros and cons of each, and how to do each. Why it’s important to start investing in retirement when you’re young, and how much of a difference that can make through compound interest. How to do it automatically.
    * Charity. Why this is an important use of your money, and how to make it a regular habit. This should be not only a financial issue, but a social one. Show them how to volunteer their time and effort as well.

Thinking

    * Critical thinking. One of the most important skills not taught in school. These days, we are taught to be robots, to listen to the teacher and not to question, to accept what we are told and not to think, to be good employees and to shut up. If you’re an employer, you might want your employees to be like this, and if you’re a politician, you might want your citizens to be like this. But is that how you want your child to be? An unquestioning, naive, ignorant citizen/employee/student? If so, carry on. If not, just start introducing the habit of questioning why? And the skill of find out the answer. And how to question authority — there is no one right answer. Conversation is a good way to accomplish this skill.
    * Reading. Sure, we’re taught to read. But schools most often make this boring. Show your child the wonderful imaginative worlds there are out there. And show them how to find out about stuff in the world through the Internet, and how to evaluate what they read for credibility, logic, factualness.

Success

    * Positive thinking. While critical thinking is an important skill, it’s also important to have a positive outlook on life. Sure, things may be screwed up, but they can be changed for the better. Find solutions instead of complaints. And most of all, learn to believe in yourself, and to block out negative self-thinking.
    * Motivation. Learn that discipline isn’t the key to achieving a goal, but motivation. How to motivate yourself, different strategies, and how great it feels to achieve a goal. Start them with small, easily achievable goals, and let them develop this skill.
    * Procrastination. It’s a problem we all deal with as adults (and even as kids). Now, I believe that there should be a time for goofing off, being lazy, and having fun. But when there’s something to do that we really need to do, how do we get ourselves to do it? Learn the reasons behind procrastination, and how to address them. How to beat procrastination.
    * Passion. One of the most important ways to be successful is to find something you’re passionate about, and do that for a living. Your child won’t know the answer at a young age, but you should show her how to find her passion and how to pursue it, and why that’s important.

Social

    * Anti-competition. As kids, we’re taught how to be competitive. In the adult world, that’s how we behave. And that results in back-stabbing, undercutting, feelings of resentment, and other life-affirming things like that. Instead, teach your child how there is room for many people to be successful, and how you’re more likely to be successful if you help others to be successful, and how they’ll help you in return. Learn that making friends and allies is better than making enemies, and how to do that. Learn cooperation and teamwork before competition.
    * Compassion. Not taught in the schools at all. In fact, instead of teaching children how to empathize with others and try to ease their suffering, our schools often teach children to increase the suffering of others. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of others, to try to understand them, and to help them end their suffering.
    * Love. Compassion’s twin brother, love differs only in that instead of wanting to ease the suffering of others, you want their happiness. Both are crucial.
    * Listening. Are our children taught how to listen in school? Or how to talk at someone. Perhaps that’s why many adults don’t have this critical skill. Learn how to truly listen to someone, to understand what they’re saying, to empathize.
    * Conversation. Goes hand-in-hand with listening, but the art of conversation is something that isn’t taught in school. In fact, kids are taught that conversation is bad in most cases. But in most cases, a conversation is what is needed, not a lecture. This is an extremely important social skill that should start in the home. Learn to converse with your child instead of talk at him.

Practical

    * Auto. Why cars are needed (no, not to look cool), how to buy a practical car, how to take care of it. How the engine works, what might break down, and how it’s fixed. Should be taught to both boys and girls (that should be obvious, but I had to say it).
    * Household. How to fix things around the house and keep things maintained. Plumbing, electricity, heating and cooling, painting, roofing, lawn, all that good stuff. The tools and skills necessary to do just the basic maintenance and repairs. And how to know when to call a professional.
    * Cleaning. Too many adults grow up without knowing how to do laundry, to clean a house properly, to keep the house clean and uncluttered, to have a weekly and monthly cleaning routine. Teach your child all these things instead of just telling her what to do.
    * Organization. How to keep paperwork organized, how to keep things in their place, to to keep a to-do list, how to set routines, how to focus on the important tasks.

Happiness

    * Be present. For some reason, this extremely important skill is never taught to us when we’re kids. In truth, the younger we are, the more natural this skill is. As we get older, we start thinking about the future and the past, and the present seems to slip away from us. Some skills for living in the present would go a long way.
    * Enjoy life. Kids don’t have much of a problem with this, but some awareness of its importance and how to do it, even as an adult, would be helpful. Set a good example of this, and your kids will follow.
    * Find purpose. Whether this is a higher religious purpose, or the purpose of making your family happy, or the purpose of finding your calling, having a purpose in life is extremely important. Teach your children the importance of this and show how to do it yourself.
    * Develop intimate relationships. The best way to teach this is to develop an intimate relationship with your child, and model it with your spouse or other significant other (within appropriateness). Teach them the skills for developing these types of relationships, talk about the importance of it, and how to get through the bumpy parts as well. There are bad times in every relationship, but with the right skills of communication, empathy and compromise, they can get through them.

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by 山茱萸 | 来自 文学城 | 晴 2008/10/02 19:06 | 分类: 文摘 DIGEST | 锁定(0) | 引用(0) | 阅读(2098)